There was a man whose the whole house was built out of unsent letters. And the man in itself was just writing and writing and his house was getting bigger and bigger. His neighbors were a small mouse and a cat. He was feeding them up with stamps so he could have never sent his letters. He used to write to god to ask him for his plans. Once he loved a woman but she left long time ago from him. He could not sensed whether he was a happy man or not. He was so busy, so occupied that the only one thing he was thinking about was his letters. One day there was a girl passing by his house, amused with the shape and color of the house. She stopped by, knocked on the doors and asked if she can enter. It turned out that she was a beautiful woman and had her all time in the world to spend. She asked whether she could read some of the letters. Man didn't bother at all, he just asked the girl not to read the letters to god because they were quite personal. She nodded and took the first one:


First letter to R.
"There was a time when you were shining over the fjords of Norway as a star of North, that I was following coming back from trips. You were my harbor and my home. Never before and after I could have felt so connected to the world of gods and exctasy, connected to life, connected to sea and mountains. Never before I thought that there could exist someone who could as I believe in the same things, and that no word has to be uttered to understand each other. You embodied a spirit of love and unification for me each time I was looking into the Universe of your eyes. There was nothing except unity flawing in me to understand that one day you will vanish in the world the same as you arrived one day. Standing on the empty dock I smoke a cigarette and think about you in this dark night, dog running around eating rotten fishes heads and barking into a distance as if she would like to call you back. Now nothing has left from your presence except all that exists around. You are in each single move of the Ocean and in each falling snowflake in front of me. You are inside me in the place that once you took me. You are and just are."


Girl put a letter away, having a strange feeling of breaking into intimate world of an old man. She looked at the date of the letter. It was written fourty five years ago. -Strange, thought girl - ink is still as sharp and letters so vivid as if it had been written just an hour ago. She took another one that was subscribed to god, so as the old man told her she just put it away. She saw the first sentence, her eyes were faster than his hand. It was written:

First letter to god.
"Oh Lord want you buy me a Mercedes Benz"

Even stranger letter than the one to R. thought girl and didn't have any eager to look more through the pale of letters.

- Excuse me, sir. I think I will be going now. Thank you for your hospitality but my time is getting short and I need to go.

- Where are you going my dear? - asked an old man. - You have just arrived. I was writing letters for last few decades. Maybe you would like to help me to send them out.
Girl was surprised. What a strange proposition. Of course she could help him, she had nothing else to do for the rest of the day. She just wanted to escape from this weird house and this abnormal man. Finally she answered

- Ok, sir. I can help you but you have to put them into the envelopes, because I don't really want to read any more of your letters.

- There is nothing to worry about my dear. Those letters are just full of love. Like millions other letters sending each day in between people. But I respect your choice and I promise I will pack all of them only by myself.

A girl looked into the windows of letters and suddenly she was in the middle of the forest. An old man was standing by her side and letters were all packed addressed and ready to be sent. It lasted a millisecond and all was enveloped.

- How have you done it? asked surprised girl.

- Just another trick of an old man. Answered old man and grinned and behind his smile there was a warmth of a rising sun. - Let's harry up, a post office will be closed in fifteen minutes.


Girl was totally shocked, she didn't remember how did she get to this place, but now they were standing in the middle of a forest and this old man was telling her to hurry up not to miss a post office. Where the hell was a post office. And if there was really a one in a neighborhood. She couldn't ask him because old man was running far in front of her towards direction that she didn't know. On his left shoulder was sleeping a small mouse and cat was just a step behind him with its beautiful, glorious tale.

Suddenly she felt she could not move, she was immobilized, she wanted to scream but her voice was dumb. Old man turned back and tried to tell her something but she couldn't hear. She thought it's a dream so she tried to wake up. She moved in her bad. Next to her was sleeping her beloved one and in her legs a black dog was groaning while sleeping. She looked at both of them, then she stood up and came into the window. Behind an autumn wind was spreading falling leaves all around her mother's garden. She looked into the moon and sent him kiss. Another letter to god that has not been sent and one received from a friend. - What was it all about. She thought and turned back to her bad. She felt dizzy but after all a dream came upon over her. She was again in this forest of letters. An old man came closer to her. He took her hand and said that now all letters had been sent and that she doesn't have to worry any more about a post office.

When she woke up, the Sun was shinning through the curtains, in the kitchen a smell of frying eggs was snicking towards her room. It seemed that a day will be sunny and warm. A kind of winter day when all is sharp and magical.

All is here at the moment not possible. Who makes it like that? Why in my head there are only images of you? What shall I do to forget you, to set you free, and if it is really necessary. Why do I have to wake up during the nights and hear the voice that calms me down when one thing I just want to do is to lay by your side, hold you tight and just sleep.

Full spirit, half spirit, non spirit. Notes that emancipate the space with music. Many times i see the glass, that is breaking into thousands millions of pieces, bottles, windows, cups that are exploding until they vanish. My heart that try to express the mosaic of feelings getting trapped in none ability of my hands. I want to sing for you each morning a song of love and freedom and life, my voice too imperfect to manage a task. I want to be as a super nova star by your side, but being only me I cannot reach the sky. Maybe I just have to accept who you are and who I am, but still the Universe that we share is somewhere between the Milky Way. Do I follow you or you just step behind me. Why there is so much silence after you have left?

I began to live my life backwards. I see so many faces that I haven't seen for so long. All somehow connected to you.

Loki lays down by the chimney. Dead. She doesn't move at all unless I start to remind her about svinekottlet, the she gets really happy, but only her tail moves. I try to pet her the way you did that she could be finally happy. I smoke in the computer room. I hope Laurent doesn't read this blog, otherwise he could get pissed. White cat reacts to my grandma's name that is far gone. I supposed that the spirit of grandma came upon this cat. She looks exactly like her. Today I spoke loud her name, I mean my grandma's and the cat immediately took her head up. :) That was a sign :) We all want to write our own story. Story of ourselves.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmafNVimRbI

Again another dream. But after all that night is coming a day with blue sky, Sun is coming back up here, I found good speakers so music is flowing and all seems to be good :)

Celebration can be silent. With love shared few moments of presence and absence. Celebration by a dream that I have chosen to be a crazy one and my life as normal as others. A story under cover: two cats, black dog is written as a best script. White cat has just decided to haunt Loki, she is very concerned and determined to do it. I am waiting to the end of this drama and see what will become of a white cat and black dog. Will they make a peace and accept each other, or maybe they have already done and only me don't understand that all these paws and sounds are just a game that they like to play. One or another it looks really funny, scary and sometimes dramatic, as life in itself. Only in the evenings all of this company lay down to their beds or shelves or other hidden cat's place and silence is coming over the beautiful house that I live at the moment. And then comes a dream and another long journey. When I hear an expression the journey will be long I have goose bumps on my skin with all psychedelic visions and interpretations of reality as if it were a dream. I live my journeys in my dream, they talk to me and try the best for me. I made, I see my face that is not mine and at the same time familiar, what is that, what does it mean, the face that I look into a mirror and I see me but not me, and then at the same time I am in so many houses that my head cannot host all of them at the same moment, but I know I have to be there, in those two or three houses at the same time as if it was of some importance. Then I sit in the room of one of them and I try to hide her or find her but she is far gone, I hear a voice in my head that is singing the most beautiful love song ever and that is for her and that is her at the same moment. I know it is just illusion that I was trapped into but still I listen and I cry, and I can see that my face is painted and then all the face lines are changing and I become someone else.

The battle began.

Who knows the paths of God. Who knows his secret and untouched fields of possibilities and perception. Who knows that time doesn't exist and who knows who is who in this world. Like a card games we are playing our lives, being a King and jsut a minute after a 9. Who knows where to put the feet to step still on the solid ground. Who knew that I will loose my ability to write and rediscover it just in the moment of death. Who knew all that is a man with a great knowledge and still remains a saint. We all knew what will happen and what happened and what is at the present happening to us. All the sighs and aughs we do nobody knows why, but we know and try to not disturb the world with lies. And the worlds that will never be the same as the moments of our death. So we wait still and we observe and we still believe that love will come. Even though we are on top of our lives and our dreams, we still believe that love will come and it does with each our breath. There are white mountains and beautiful fjords, apparently the most beautiful places that we could have ever been. And what we do is what we think, deep inside our cores we miss. We miss the world that was given us, the beauty and the sky. We walk, we talk, we eat and shit but as if it is someone else not we. We in our minds with our plans, with tickets to undiscovered lands, to places that maybe will not remain the same once we got there and discover that we missed the chance to see the light and beauty of its own in dark pitch nights with illuminating lights on the surface that we thought is black. All rum is drunk and songs are sung the woman dying in our own eyes too. So what shall I do father I asked you once. Remained a silence that I thought I knew. And each word is getting out more strange and more like once I asked you what is right, remained the silence in where I sank. I tried to swim, I tried to laugh, I tried to cry and I tried to pass, but nothing seems so easy now, when she is gone and you have passed. I don't kill you anymore because you are already on the bottom of the hell, and he and him and all of us are there together reunited from the past. And where is future, where is past, where is presence and where am I? I asked to fight and so did I. Nowhere was so hard as except my heart. But I know I see the light, and not from her or you or him. I see it in the darkest night that asks me to come in. My body is tired and my mind is fool, my deeds like children's play itself, what can I do i wanted to ask you on your grave, while nature is far from me, and I just pretend I can reconnect with it. But still there is a hope and there is a faith, one thing that was given us as gift, and this time no woman nor the grave but simple joy that you are just are. And you and me and her and him, all we are and all we live. Where and why and how, those questions can be dismissed now, because we are there and now and even as we don't know how. I am still there in this forest and this hut with fire that will never stop. And where is she? I would ask at your grave. And I can answer I don't care. But I do, so does she now, but where is white and where is black, with mustache Sheriff stands on guard he knows that he cannot, but still tries to win the fight. So I ask you Sheriff, who are you? In past lives where have you been? What was wrong between us then that even now I don't know why but hate is coming over me. I tried to love, I tried to save the world, but it seems that even now I cannot save even myself. So tell me Sheriff why you star shines so bright and who are you and who were you in our passed and tangled lives. father is dead and she's on the bad, dying there and me here fighting to brake this spell. So who put it on, was it me myself or was it him. So tell me Sheriff once more the truth that we are one and love is all. You sit with your gaze in the darkness, you try to find the place to hide and shatter. You are a wolf that came that night to break the dream into the nightmare. Or was it me, or was it him, if one is all and all is one, who is here to win and loose and who that forgotten star. The whole in all that matches us. And you smile and you cry and you think I will know, where shall you go even though I am not so sure where my path is heading through. So now you choose and now you take what is good for you and me, and Sheriff looks still gazed on you and he hopes that another night you will cook for him. There is a song and song is right saying that Sheriffs star was blinking once into the night and through the time and Sheriff thought that she was mine. So now please listen me once more, and who is Sheriff and who am I, and who is she and who is who, knows maybe only his almighty God. The script is written and has to act so now take your weapon and shoot the star, and be proud and find the night in where you will hide on the dark blue sky. So father yes, please let me know that I have spoken to the spirits though. They told me that I dont have to more carry the sins that who knows who did. They said that they forgive me so, and him, and her, and all of us. They said go ahead and be kind, and that you don't have to kill anymore. I thanked them then and i was shocked I didn't want to listen to that, but once they were gone I had to write it as I do it now. And institution are knocking hard, on my, your, her, our doors. Please come in and we will give a pill. I am sorry doctor I love you but, I need to go and live my life. And I know that at the moment then she listened as she had known, she smiled, she forgot us all, she flew with me to the place which I call a dream. And even now I would kiss her so, to show her that we all are one, me, her, you, Sheriff and all. So my heart is freed and my soul relieved and I can read it to you all at once. And who is who and who is me, and who is her and who is him. And Geishas grotris, and Ramas range and still behind the divine bless. But once we come back into our simple lives we will love and hate and that is also really fine. The way has changed and writing style, what can I do, or you or him. And some of you will thinks, he's freak but I tell you that there will be day when all is One.

White sky in the nigth

The moon that shines through dark

Orange that reflects itself

Reindeers running up to Sun


And where are we? Who are we? Who are you and who am I?


By the stone rock you can just sit still and listen to the wind.