Is the rain the rage for unexceptable desire

Yes RAIN!!!! And wind and doom day will stay like this for next few hours, days, months or whoever know. That's all. English language in my mind is sleeping somewhere deep and no words in my head to express what is outside. Neither in Polish.
Tromso - the magic Island - for sure - the best place on earth where your dreams invert into reality. And the reality is like welcome, well known guest with whom drinking coffee is most desired act on the Earth. Is this rain any analogy to the birds of Alfred Hitchcock - hope not.

Predicitons of the beginning of the end of the dreaming

When I saw the day light outside I really wanted to move into the wilderness of the Island. Passed forty minutes and it will be completely dark in the next few. This huge window is like the screen of the movie. Better when you sit in your chair and don't disturb the animators to make another scene. You sit like on the top of the mountain, with closed doors you feel completely isolated from the World. In your cave you can communicate with entire world but no one is allowed to enter your space.
Familiar faces on the screen that can be only illusional pictures of your past. Even when alive they are coming back into the times when you have not even existed. Propose you the old game cards which were played before, try to involve you in the play where each of them can feel special, young and with non stoppable visions that they had believed could become their lives. You meet them in the presence. The visions had collapsed. Instead of the past you chose the future and try to follow your vision. Both of you and the faces you don't agree on the presence. You are dreaming, they are coming back to the dream of the past. There is one dimension that keeps you still close, still in touch. The rescue rope you both don't want to lose. But the flood will finish, there will be time to get off the right foot, forget about the one in the grave, and never ever fall asleep again.

What the Hell?!

Sometimes it matters, sometimes it doesn't. Today not much. I don't drink Tran because I think that in some way I don't need it. All is in some particular position.
I read few mails - mainly written by myself and got this impression that I was wrong:) Some people try to make me feel guilty but I don't. Some people don't know what they want from the life. Some people don't know who they really are. Some people lost their minds.

And I don't show up with my face. I put the red glasses and just appear like that and some people demand knowing me but they fail.
They all have left. I am staying alone. I need it more than ever. I will travel soon but they don't point it out that I am here NOW. They all suck but in some way my glasses personality likes them.

Shops are crazy these days. Sometimes I go there only to look at the people, check what's new on the shelves and maybe compose some meal from the products that I never put into my hands.

The best are sports centers. I pass them while cycling home. Inside all those windows walls, people are sweating on all machines that steal from you the feeling of cold, wind, authenticity and landscape. Instead you receive the fast access. Simple artificial life.

I talked to Dziober who knows much more about my family's life then I. That makes me laugh.

And if all the signs on the Earth are against the Christmas Eve I don't fucking hesitate. Actually I have no money on me so maybe better just watch some movie or go for a walk and get out of this culture and try to confront me with the solitude that is known as the worst. I love to challenge and am seeking for some new. Why not the Christmas Eve.

I don't think so that anybody is reading this blog but if, I would say

Merry Christmas! I make mine later when the marzipan will be cheaper:) and I won't need so much afford to get it.

Anyway I like to write for myself.

Ciao!

Moon addiction

The mood is like the tide that completely comes under the Moon rules.
Mood and moon - those two words so similar, so close, so indifferent, that almost get united in the fullest phase of the second one.
Someone opened the window and the rays of light came over. Switch from "off" to "on". We say goodnight to Mr.Moon that is rapidly disappearing as if he realized he made a mistake. So easily to manipulate.
Remains the smell. The world of smells that mixed with the dreams and the presence create the body and the smile that left behind the peace of ego.
I touch delicately the peaces of your thoughts and try to read the stories from your sleepy body. Everything as dream when you swallow smashed almonds, when you taste the queen of white deliciousness. You close the eyes and just fly to the beginnings of divine happiness.
Ecstasy in peace of marzipan.

From the comic book

And again I woke up from my dream just for a moment to drink some coffee, watch the World outside the window and write few mails. I don't even think about going out. Today wind is heavier than ever, I can observe the undulating landscape trapped from aside by the static monuments of rocks. Three colors are painting the view. Waving oceans green, odd white of snow and dark black of all that left without covering. Each day is separately different planet with its own hemisphere, moons, orbits and stars. Today I woke up in nostalgic Universe called Apathy. Yesterday my spaceship body flew over the landscapes of the planets Hope and Resurrection. They exist just few hundreds yards from each other. You can reach them in full flow without feeling the gravity of your hidden stormy thoughts. Instead of that idealistic Islands today gloomy heavy sky let you have a quick glance of affluence of the Apathy Universe. Austerity of life and underpinning of flashing remains curves your mind with sharp scalpel. The effect of the artistic sculpture you can easily perceive in the look of passing you inhabitants of Apathy. They know that you have been marked and now you are acceptable.

On the edge

I live on the edge. On the edge of the border between the day and the night. On my left side when I sit in front to the west I can see the light of day with almost yellow-white sky and on the right I can see dark blue sky that hosts the moon who changed with the Sun few days ago. And I live on the edge, just in the middle of the line. My left leg is in the daylight, my right in the moonlight. But it exists only for two hours each day, the best are middays, but it really doesn't matter because all is changed, all is mixed, all is weird and all is beautiful. And after those short periods of Dali's paintings darkness comes all over and inside you remains the feeling of unreal dream that you have just experienced. And you are not sure if that was dream or real life. Everything is switched, everything is mixed, everything is weird and everything is repetitive.
As the trips, the loves, the people, the knowledge and the feelings. Repetitive, weird, mixed and switched.

So I say goodnight and come back to my Sandman's life where I can meet all I want to meet here. Where I don't need money to travel, where the hunger doesn't exist and where I can sleep with whoever I want and wherever I want and non-why-ever I want. I come back to the life of improbability to meet my friends and my loves. And even if I wake up I will beg my mind to come back to the life where everything is easier even when the trees are growing into your friends bodies and warms are surrounding you with their tongs ready to lick you with their poisons and where you are coming back to the school yard where blood is dripping from the trees and your friends are more older than your grandma and the guy with the knife is waving to say hello to you. And to the world where you can walk with the woman to the end of the dream without one word, you can feel the space and tension between your bodies and talk to her by the nature over which you have complete govern, and listen to her responses that talk with her breath which creates the air you are both breathing. You can be the best piano player ever or the worst criminal you can imagine, you can become the scientist or instead the god of the oceans.

Everything in a second, in a blink of the eye, everything in the world behind the closed eyes.

Everything so real that becomes your world.
Everything so fictional that becomes your mar.
Everything so sweet that you ask for more.
Everything so bitter that you beg for sore.
Everything so close that you don't even get up.
When everything so far then you act with calm.
Then you start to run, then you start to cry
Then you start desire the life you have just passed.

Back to the life. The life of what?

I start a job. I work with dogs and dog-sledges. Somewhere on my way to Tromso I lost a part of me. I find moments that make me feel fulfilled, I find another ones that make me feel foolish. There is something missing in all that surround me. The piece of unpredictable adventure and passing landscape.
I drink tran and in some way I cheat my body that there is enough Sun to produce vitamins that makes you feel happy. I read travel blogs of my friends and in some way I cheat my mind that there is enough move to produce adrenaline that makes you feel traveling. I work with dogs and in some way I cheat my feelings that there is enough affection to produce love that makes you feel special. I talk with people and in some way I cheat my senses that there is enough thoughts to be worked out as an interesting conversation. I go dating and in some way I cheat myself that there is somebody in the World who can love me.

I meditate over the fjords on the empty beach, I empty my mind from all bullshit around, I concentrate on the waves of energy and try to steer them in the best way I can do it. I don't listen to the voices of unacceptability. I stare at the moon that comes at the midday and although I know it's not the Sun my mind is cheated so easily and the desire of watching the burning ball so intense that the illumination is unstoppable. Pastels are drawing the space, smoothly shaping the tones of the sleepy world that hanged above is more surrealistic than life we can choose. Flashes of smashed rays keep you on believing there is still some life below the line of horizon. The clouds perform the act of dissolution between dreams and realms. Outside, the power of light is equal to three bulbs from the kitchen. Inside, the sleeping cat is moaning while scratching behind the ear. Borders don't bother any more any bored brothers of bars of sunlight. And that's all. Burst of unidentified feelings in the world where the feelings had been captured long before the world existed. The atoms of illusion. Illusion from the atoms.

Please choose your own Mendeleev's drink. Can be even with lemon and palm sticked into your ass.

JIHAD and other stories

Step by step I am walking down. Sometimes there is so much ice that I can't react enough quickly and my feet are melting slope with increasing speed of my body. Hardly to see, the smile on my face is drawing the croissant of adrenaline and excitement.
I wanted to cheat, behave without honor. I wanted to be an animal that is trapping its victim and consume it with furiousness. I tried to break the rules, that written in the begging of human being should be followed as long as we consider ourselves as people. I was ready to steal the truth and committee the worst from the sins. In this state I lasted for four days, then my mind has opened and the feeling of honesty has come to me.

And today I hitchhiked to Nordkjosbotn and after I got the lift from Hovar, adventure began. He took me to his place and we were riding the snow scooter for almost 45 minutes. And I have tried it by my own:) Acceleration from 0 to 100 in less than 5 seconds, 150 horse power and three hundreds of flat field. It was almost like flying. Amazing experience. After that we drove (me as a passenger) for some trail in the valley and that was more fun than I could expect. When we finished we were so excited that we were smiling, laughing and words were blown from our mouths tried to catch the best moment of the trip. Later on Hovar drove me to Oystein garage and invited for another day. Don't worry Hovar I will come for sure:)