It is a perfect morning. Sun is just behind there, one small mountain. Polish poem sang by Robert Kasprzycki gives another level of universe of words, understanding love and happiness.

Even though I live in a super hurry suddenly all is stopped and I can get a long morning with Yoga, staring into fjord, watching rays of sun sliding through different slopes and peaks. Loki is plays with bone, I drink coffee and roll a cigarette. I don't have to go anywhere, i don't have to search, i am just here and I am just me, and small invisible atom of happiness somewhere in my body has a chain reaction and immensely all my body is happiness and all my body disappears and I am just am.

Wowowow,,,, my own language, listening to songs in my own language gives me aftertaste of delicateness in my mind :) some people call it euphoria!!


There is not so many words how to describe the Great Return Of SUn and feelings that follow. Yeah, maybe the Great Return Of Sun is enough.

The best ideas in general I have while driving by a fjord,


The most beautiful songs I hear when I am on walk with Loki,


The most beautiful love letters I write in the middle of my work,


Stories, ideas, conceptions, solutions, wisdom, all is coming to me in the least expected moments, that i never have time to write them down, they just nourish my mind, my mood, they uncover from the darkness of ignorance, all for a minutes, seconds, after all it all disappears somewhere where i cannot recollect it when i am at home.



Now i lost it again. of fuck. what i wanted to say.?hmmmmmm

His face was red! Extremely red with anger. Inside his mind he kept his prayers repeated again and again. He was also extremely afraid that maybe a demon will posses also him. When he came to my hut I saw him all red, all was intensively extremely red. And all this red was so extreme that I have even forgot why they actually came. I stood in the middle of the forest as if I wanted to wait for something, something to happen, something that has happened was over me, over me blocking and stopping all my movement. Why shall it be like this I thought? All people were carrying about me and I am thankfully grateful to them.

One day you wake up and you think that already all is lost, and then after few exercises, few tunes on flute all is perfect again!

Will I be a gypsy till the end of my days? All again turned out that it might happen. Well, well, well. Today I was dreaming about beautiful house I would like to live in on the side of the fjord with one of the most amazing views I have ever seen. With colors dancing according to the music of a Sun.

But now I am already so fucking tired and pissed off with all this living, flatmates bullshit. I think I buy Lavvoo and just set it up somewhere in the forest. ........Jessssuuuuusss........

I think that my father always considered me as his brother, that's why maybe he was beating me so hard each time I destroyed his toys. The worst one was with a Disney Movie cassette that unfortunately or because I had to, I put with a leaflet about other cartoon together and then the whole system of video projection for an evening broke down. I sank under a cold water hold like a dog that now I work with, and sometimes I have to be also so determined with them as my father was at that day. I don't put them under the shower to remind them that you shall not destroy your fathers toys, but still sometimes I am quite rough to them. On the other hand I give them food and pet them and scratch and talk to them while cleaning their shit. So maybe all of us have their own shit and others have to clean it. I cleaned my father shit and dog shit. So who the fuck will clean my shit. Also me myself, or maybe it was already done by many women that I passed on my way. So what is the best solution to do? To give shit to others or keep it for yourself at the same time not cleaning others, becoming victim, becoming murderer, becoming yourself? So what about the mother that still thinks that at the age of fifty will give me a brother? Does she feel so guilty about those many boys in between me and my sister that have never seen the light of a day, but maybe saw much stronger light of almighty? Difficult to say, and for sure to late to think about having a brother, but why after twenty five years does she still feel guilty about it? Shall I clean her shit as well or just leave it where it is. And what about all the others unloved daughters, and girls that think that are women but actually small girls needing touching are waking up each time they see a man who smiles to them.


My psychologist told me, or I told to myself. It is enough. I don't want to carry anymore and I cannot. I can still go to mental hospital, still behave like maniac, still become a psychopat, but why shall I do it all. Just because I love or hate them too much or too little.

Why I cannot just live my life, being happy with my dog, admiring the fjord, talk to some random people on the street. Why do I have to now come back to the country I don't even remember, among the people I feel a stranger, why I have to merry this poor girl in the mountains and make her children. Only because my grandfather and my mother will be happy. And still they call me insane and mentally sick. Fuck, fuck, fuck........

And even I write this all I am completely calm, just had some thoughts while taking a hot bath with cold shower at the same time so just wanted to write it down, because I know that I have to disappoint many people to live my way free and happy.

There is actually mainly compassion that they cannot be happy and live their lives free.

(with beautiful melody :) )

Moooonnnn is rising high

Above our sky


Moooonn is growing fat

Below the midnight Sun


Mooonn is rising high

Free spirits of the world

Are dancing by my side

And I remain calm


We are opening..... we are opening....


Mooonnn is rising high above our sky

All is here and now

So just look and be calm


Voices of void are trying to speak out

Voices of void disturbing our minds


Voices of void, spirits of the world,

Moonnn is rising high so just accept it and die.


we are opening.... we are opening.....

Gadjo Dilo

Remains a silence over a fjord and feeling that the people I live among are different, that I am different, that all is different.


Beauty of difference and feeling that I could walk towards the world whenever I would like to. Love that shows a path.


All is different when love is transformed into singular being of our own. There is a lot of space that is filled with beauty of nature, and lot of will to remain myself.


New Year welcomed with words of freedom and red burning sky over the mountains, icy wind from Arctica, pleasurable talks and words of truth.


Lights of New Years Eve exploding like colorful flowers.


Snow.