Saturday, 22 November 2008

...

The life is wierd. So much unexpected and amazing that I can't take it all with my mind. Maybe I even shouldn't have tried. Maybe emotions that run like wild horses in my chest should run their own way and I should just feel them and experience.

Who would suppose that six months will shrink into five weeks and winter in Montreal will convert into darkness of Norway. Who would suppose that Wilensky restaurant opened for last 75 years will be closed just today when I wanted to enter the maic past life of old Warsaw on the corner of Rue Clark and Rue (?). But it was closed. Closed world that didn't want to let me inside. I can only imagine the smell of coffee and sounds of cups on the tables. So after all I needed to write about it and because of a coincidence I found myself entering the polish shop-restaurant-videorenting store. After the two months I could speak polish live and could hear more than three people speaking polish at the same time. And I could see the polish products and I felt like in Poland for a while and I realized that I will be Polish for the rest of my life. But after first impression and sentiment, I could see the real Polish characters and I wanted just to escape. I am Polish but I behave so much different and my mentlity is not the same as I was leaving Wroclaw eight months ago. And now I feel once more that I want to travel, want to meet people and see the world. Half hour before I was in Libraire d'Espagnol and I felt so good and natural there. I decided to learn more about latino and find in me the piece of Spain.

So I am gonna leave Montreal. I spent here two weeks. I saw some of the city, had a great saturday party night, met few people, talked a little bit and even worked for japanese sushi bar. They almost have adopted me but I refused. This week was a thinking week. Lot of thoughts, lot of discovers, lot of suprise.

First I didn't like the city too much. I was defenisive but now I really admire it. But I started just after i knew I will leave. So can I only really act emotionally and feel the world with all my senses when I know I am loosing sth. Then I am in this situation with my soul in the hands and I got from life 100% of it.

So what about Norway? Norway in my mind is the place where even if you have to stay there you are actually traveling.

And with women? When I am loosing them I act and challenge. When they are close I am boring and try too much.

So I listen to these Polish speakers and the couple on my left is eating the best KLUSKI ŚLĄSKIE with GULASZ, GOŁĄBKI and KISZONĄ KAPUSTĘ. And I ate PLACKI ZIEMNIACZANE. And now my stomach is flooping back and forward when I can smell these deliciouses just next to me.

So I am coming back to Europe. Why? Because I want to try to be responsible.

First voice: want responsibility
Secon voice: want to travel as far as the eyes could see
Third voice: want a woman to love and live with and building family
Forth of them: want a crazy woman that will follow me to the end of our desired destinations
Fifth voice: is telling the truth about etnicity
Sixth voice: is completely not connected to that part of the world.

And all the voices are right and true.

I will come back to Canada. I still haven't seen my idealistic New Fundland so there is the point on the map of my dreams I have to reach. And I am actually 1000km from St. Johns in NF, 600km from NY, where I have my family that I haven't seen for last six years. And what do I do? I just take a plane in two days to London and then to Tromso. Simple like that. And this is what all the voices can compromise in some way. Each of them agree for this and I am finally in the mood to try once again to put my life in order. My life that is unexpected and amaizng and for sure not able to be captured.

So God! I'm still in the game. I'm waiting for your next move!!!

No comments: