Villmarksenter again

After a night party at Maya Mi place I went to bad around three o'clock. My phone rung at eight thirty to tell me that the time has come. I woke up with headache. Smoked one stolen cigarette in the kitchen, brushed my teeth and got out just in time to catch the bus number 42 to Storelva. It was Saturday morning so the streets were deserted and no one in the bus except me. I listened to the tunes from Africa while crossing this north landscape. I was on my way to meet my friends that I left one day in April last year. It had been ten months but at this day i just felt as if the time had never passed, as if I was still living that winter, as if there were no arguments, no straggling about the money, no negative energies. I felt like if I never had been leaving this place. I got off on the last bus stop and still had ten kilometers to pass to get to the Villmark. I began to walk. I paced very calm, only the snow was crunching under my feet. I tried to hitchhike but no one wanted to stop. I saw Stephani passing me by, the girl that works at Villmark. i waved to her but she hasn't spotted me at that time. I walked and walked. I got to the Eidehandel, one shope on the crossroad, bought my favorite chocolate cookies and one energetic bar. In its name is New Energy, and I believe so much in it that always after having one I can feel my strength growing. Then I continued to walk. I saw Silvia and Vidar passing me by in their car. The world started to look so small again, with so many friends on this road. This road that I crossed hundreds of times. Sometimes walking as today, sometimes biking, sometimes skiing and sometimes passing in a car. So I walked and walked. I crossed Hakoya Island, where there is one small wooden love hut. Where I spent beautiful time with so much love. Then I walked and walked, I didn't care about the time, I had no regretting, I had no desires, I had no wishes. i was just walking in the morning freezing cold air. I was just heading to the point where I had to say sorry, I had to apologize for the last time I had been there, I had to feed the dogs and say them how much I love them, I had to get their smell again on my clothes and my body. I had to do all of that to ease my pain, to finish this period of my life. To brake this dream that I have been having for ten months now. This dream that was occurring during that period sequentially every week. This dream where I could have seen me behind the sledges, me feeding the dogs, me waiting for the run the dogs, me chatting to my ex-boss, me talking to my friends, me having a common food with my coworkers. All that dreams when I was waking up I regretted that I had to get up.

And now I was just walking trying to catch some car but without tensioned motivation. But one car stopped. Two guys inside were driving to the parking lot from where they were supposed to start their trip in the mountains. They drove me all the way to Villmark. I thanked them and got off. I was again in this place. From the kitchen window was staring Istvan and Greg. They opened me the doors. I entered this room and felt as if I have never been leaving this place. We haven't seen each other since last April. Nevertheless we just started to talk as if I were only in the city for a night. We talked and talked and talked and talked. Then I went to Tove. I said hello, and that I am back. I apologized her for the last time and explained that now I am better. I think she was glad I said that. She welcomed me with words that I should feel as in my own home. I really did. I thanked her and came back to the kitchen. I met Nadja, I met Merete, some new faces as well. Then I said to Greg that was a time to go into the dogyard to see the dogs. He agreed. We went out. I greeted Tore in Norwegian. One sentence between me and him. Hope he didn't have any objections that I was there again. First we went to see Gregs dogs on the left side on the dog yard and then we just crossed all the lines with dogs to the last one on the right. It took us fifty minutes but I felt as time didn't exist at that moment. I was again there. I recognized so many dogs. Almost all that I knew from the last year. Actually I remembered more dogs names than peoples names that worked last year. There is three hundreds dogs, and last year there were thirty people. Lot of dogs have recognized me. That was so snsitive meeting. Greg was pretty much surprised that I rememberd so many names but I explained him that in my mind I feel that I have never been leaving, maybe that's why. We came back to the kitchen and I met Grant, buena persona de Scotia, and Franck and Stephanie. We had dinner together. I felt so naturally there. I was a part of this family even though I haven't worked there any more. Then it was a feeding time. I wanted to do it so much. Greg said no problem as other people did. It is always nice when there is one person more to help. I got working trousers and boots. Again I felt warmness of this perfect large moon shoes. I went into the dogyard. Except running the dogs and picking up the shit feeding is one of the best things you can do for these animals. I fed of course the Tove side of dogyard. All the dogs that I knew so well. I fed four rows. I worked fast, I wanted to give food to all of them. I could have felt like the dops of sweat are running on my back. I didn't care. I was doing one of the best things in my life. I was feeding the dogs. I heard Tove screaming from the other side of the yard - Jacek!!!! GOOOOODDDDDD!!!! Even if we had argument last year I really like her and I think she feels the same. After I finished the last row I saw that two guys they fed together only two while I did four. I was cheerful and felt the blessing of opportunity I received from life. I came back to the feeding room where we used to prepare food and just started to refill the buckets with dry food for the next day. I knew that the next step in this daily habits is to make teams. Suddenly I felt it is over. Even if they agreed for feeding the dogs I wasn't working there any more. I knew I cannot cross this line. I looked into Gregs eyes and saw in them appreciation that I am back. At the same time it was so contemporary. We knew it is so unique and special. I was watching them disappearing among the dogs building their teams. I loved all that dogs and all that people. I loved that atmosphere of hard work and pleasure of running the dogs. I loved that place even if sometimes they were things I didn't agree with. After that I took off my working shoes and pants. I thanked Tove for being there and proposed her that anytime she needed a person to work I could come and work for free. She said nothing. She greeted me and then I left. On my way back I talked to Grant. I like this guy so much. In his room on his computer he was talking with his woman - Marie. She had been there last season. With this virtual conversation we became united again. My friends. My place. My emotions. My feelings. My thoughts. My past.

I walked down the road with my skies on my shoulder. I was walking down with my heart fully calm. I did what I was dreaming about. I was so cheerful that those people were waiting for me. That they consider me as the part of them. They are my friends and we both knew that.

I got to the road, walked fifty meters and then decided to cross this beautiful landscape on my skies. It was snowing heavily. I was merging with this whiteness, wilderness and my thoughts. I still could have heard the dogs barking as if they wanted to say good bye to me, or it was just my imagination. I paced in this powder snow for an hour. I got to one hill. It was getting late so I put off my skies and prepared to ski down. Before I did it I sit down on the snow in the lotus position, closed my eyes, took few breaths and disappeared in meditation. I saw around me many wolfs, they tried to attack me. I resisted creating invisible barrier of my spirit. They were only illusion. After few minutes I was in a space. Calm. Only noise of wind was disappearing faintly behind my ears. I opened my eyes. I saw the most beautiful blue color of the north. I saw the graphics in front of me draw from the birches. I put my skies on and skied down the hill. It was a perfect day. It was like my dream but real. It was a reality but as if it was a dream. The world was dragging down in the blackness of night and i was ready to come back to my ordinary life.