I am on Karlsøya. I sit in a press room that was used during the festival. Now emptied with only posters on the walls and one mattress in a corner. It is actually a school. No longer in use because last two students had to move out in lack of pupils. I am here because I think I shall be here. There is no better place in the world by this moment where I can situate myself more correctly than here. I am on this beautiful small Island somewhere at the end of the world. Far from cities, people, hate, brutality and aggression. I am here because I need to be here. I am here that one deadly sick person can call me his angel when I make a food for him. I cook simply. He can't eat too much spiced food. In fact he can't even eat any spiced food. Only a bit of salt that can heal him in a way as one diet expert said. So I cook everything on water. Actually I boil the food. I boil chicken on a pan, broccoli with carrots in the pot. Rice I do regularly with a bit of olive oil. But all those things I do with my fully opened heart. With love to this man, that I don't even know. But I do know him in a way as long as the light has passed. I feel as his student. He is a teacher of life. At the doorsteps to eternity he has still critic to improve my deeds, and I listen to his advices, to his knowledge, to his appreciation of life, his love to music. His love to the fresh air and skies. I look at him and I don't believe that his whole body is full of cancer. I follow him while he is skiing back home from the ferry that we took. It is about kilometer long walk. It is snowing gently but the wind increases with each minute. My shoes are getting soaking wet but he is still walking. Sometimes he rests to take deeper breath. He asks Ruth whether she is cold. She answers she isn't. Me as well try to keep face and deny that there is everything else in this world except coldness. I ask him. He replies that moving forward to his home is getting him warmer. I walk behind him. It is beautiful winter night. It is very cold. In my thoughts appears conclusion that we are all freezing but still no one says a word. We are tough warriors. We are the warriors of light. We want to fight for his life. And he as well is very determined to do that. TO over fight impossible. To release enough positive energy to fight the illness.

The feelings here are indescribable. There is this amazing beautiful nature, the nights shine with the stars, days are followed by the rays of Sun. The Ocean lives his own life, the snow sparkles and the air is fulfilling the world to the borderless ends. Love is all around us. We couldn't find the better place to live at this moment. At the same time there is so much struggle with pain, so much silent fight, so many thoughts about passing and eternity. Those thoughts are not strange for me tough. Last few months I was contemplating the mystery of passing. And here I am. In the middle of unbreakable disease - but still there is so much positive energy, so much willing to live, to experience, to feel the life with all your senses. To learn from nature the simplest joys of day. Sometimes it is too beautiful. It is so unreal, so untouched by evil. It is so so much pure.

But now I am here in this school. I just opened facebook and saw what Ruth wrote about this place few hours ago. Her words are so beautiful. All the feelings that I had since last few days are just in her words. Perception of world and our interaction with illness.

But this illness is somewhere above us. Somewhere behind the doors to Tors' beautiful house. Behind him or in front of him. I look at him and I am impressed. I am impressed how he fights, how he struggle, how he is still stubborn and reject all the system of so called normal society life. He is a hero. He is a bird. He is free, sensitive and so much beautiful person.

Today I spent morning with him while Ruth was roving around in the village. Description of the weather and atmosphere outside is impossible to name at the moment. It is only one of the strongest feelings that I know so far. Last few days we used lot of plates and cups. Today was a cleaning day. Also because Tors' son is gonna visit him tonight. I wanted to make the house as clean as possible and as nicest looking as possible. For the first two hours I was doing dishes listening to the tones from Africa. Tor woke up and came to the kitchen. He sat on the chair and said that this music is very beautiful. I knew he would like it. He talked a while, giving me instructions where to put the wet plates and where to find the cloth to dry them up. He lived there in this life for last twenty five years. He has system for all daily habits. I learn them by his side. Relation we build between us is in a way getting into his shoes and see how does his life look like. When I finished dishes I thought that it might be nice if I vacuum the carpets. He said that apparently he would handle the noise and I started to clean the most beautiful kitchen I have ever seen. I thin it became for me the most beautiful because in a way he gave me house. He gave me shelter to hide. He gave me so much protection and stability by inviting me into his space. I started to treat the house as my own. I started to care more and more. I cleaned the kitchen that is as all the kitchens shall be in the middle of the house. From that room you can enter two bedrooms and a storage room. In the corner there are doors that take you down to the first floor. I cleaned our room first and then I wanted to clean his bedroom.
I opened the doors and could see him bending on his knees close to long player. He put on some Norwegian jazz and just sat down in large armchair. We started to talk about the music - his favorite subject. He knew some polish bands and he didn't forget to mention about them. Yesterday there had been ski jump competition on TV. As well he mentioned Adam Malysz. I think because of me he started to like polish nation in general :). We listened to his records. Then I left to my room to smoke a cigarette in a window. He set up one classical long play. The music was so touching, so much about enjoyment of life that I started to cry. But not unstoppable, only few drops slided down my chicks. I was watching the white covered fields with the line of the forest at the end of horizon. Few birds flew by. I was smoking and simply crying. Then I came back to his room and we both listened some more with closed eyes. After that I cleaned his room and went outside to get some water from a dwell. Surprisingly today the ice was thin and I could brake through to the inner source of water. He was surprised as well but took it as a sign that spring is close. I boiled some more water and kept it on the stove. Again he thanked me so much that I am his angel and that me and Ruth we want to stay with him in his own house. Each time when he says this sentence about his own house, chilled stream of feelings is running through my body. I don't want him to thank me like this but maybe still I don't really realize what am I doing. But I know I am doing what I shall do.

I wanted to come back to Morocco soon but now I started to think that I can stay in his house endlessly. There is nothing that I am missing. Nothing. All is cumulated in our hearts. All supplies we need from life are just here. In this kitchen, in front of the house, behind the mountain on the sandy beach. I don't have to move any more. I am here and that is so much enough for me. I am happy even if sometimes I cry. But I cry positively. I cry because the world is so amazing place to live and still there is so many people who can't see that. I cry because the ones who want to live have to fight for their lives the battle that is almost lost. But still we are here to become the tribe of warriors. Warriors for life and for light. Warriors for smile and enjoyment. Warriors for contemplation and reflection. Warriors for the world of sincerity. Warriors of love. And three of us really are. And we don't need more people around because we have three of each other. And we feel that this connection can't be broken down. Can't be broken down by the death that one day will come for three of us. Till then we remain where we are. Fighting with the smallest kindnesses of our daily lives.